9 ways to punish children without hurting their self-esteem

According to statistics in the US , most parents believe they are raising their children the right way. In fact, many parents cannot control their emotions and punish their children more than the mistakes they make. This leads to negative consequences that children often fear and think that everything becomes more difficult for them.

Although sometimes punishing children is really necessary, but aFamilyToday Health believes that no one likes to do this with their children. Psychologists will help you to punish your baby without hurting her self-esteem in the following ways:

1. If the children do not have bad intentions, you should not punish them

Young children are inherently kind, so they will not try to harm anyone, but just want to explore the world around them. When your child is just trying to learn from their surroundings, you should support them even if the action turns bad. Sympathize with your child and let them know how to fix the situation.

When punishing a child for fear of having an accident, he runs the risk of becoming an indecisive person. Children can do everything well but must follow the orders of others. However, as an adult, children will not be able to make their own decisions and are also irresponsible people.

Please refer to the article  Teach children to live responsibly when they are young.

2. Hints and commands are two different things

Many people often think that traditional education (ordering their children to do what they want) is right with such arguments as "because old parents should know it is right, you need to do it" or "for you She does the same thing with her parents ”.

There is a huge difference between the two statements: "Maybe you shouldn't play games" and "You can't play games". The first sentence is a suggestion and the second is an imperative. Therefore, you should only punish if you give an order that your child does not follow.

If the child is strong and stubborn, you can punish him for not following the suggestion and this is fine for him. As for sensitive children, the punishment can hurt them. When a sensitive child grows up, they just want to follow orders from someone they trust for fear of negative consequences.

3. Punishing children should not follow feelings

When children disobey, some parents are really angry and unable to control even though they love their children very much. This happens because parents have high expectations of their children. When these expectations don't work, parents feel frustrated. Therefore, when you are in this situation, it's best to hold back your emotions.

Children are easily impressed when often screamed by their parents and they may have problems in the future. Psychologists say people with high social status often encounter this situation.

4. Do not punish your child in public

A child who is often punished in public feels embarrassed. As an adult, children can become a person based on the opinion of the majority and unable to make their own decisions. Likewise, don't compliment your children in public as they can be too arrogant.

5. If you threaten to punish your child, do it

According to child psychologists, it's worse than not to punish your child if you don't do it. When you just threaten, children quickly realize that their parents are just talking and will no longer trust you. In addition, children cannot understand the difference between good and bad because there is no system of rules for children.

6. When you can't determine who is at fault, punish both

In the situation where your child is playing with his friend, when something goes wrong, if you are not sure which child made the mistake, you should not criticize or punish the other child without mentioning your child. If your child is playing with a sibling, doing something serious and needs punishment, you should punish both.

If you punish only one child, you can hurt this child and sometimes the child is punished as a sinner, not making any mistakes. The other child will be complacent and realize that he will be excused from doing something. This has a negative impact on the baby in the future.

7. Children are only punished for their current wrongdoing, but not for past mistakes

One of the most important rules of parenting is: punishment - forgive - forgotten. A child who is constantly being punished for past mistakes cannot become a strong person. Children will be afraid to do something new and just like to follow the habit. Children are also really hard to learn or learn from their mistakes. Instead of analyzing the mistakes they make, they just fix them.

Also, if you discover something bad that your child has done for a long time, psychologists advise against punishing them. What you need to do is explain to your child what you did wrong.

8. Punishment must be appropriate for the child's age and interests

The penalties you give should be clear and fair. Do not give the same punishment when your child scores poorly and breaks the windows. For small things, you have a slight penalty, but the child makes a serious mistake, you have to punish more.

You should also pay attention to the child's age and preferences. If your children enjoy watching entertainment on TV, limit their time on TV. Children don't like to watch TV but like to play games, you should think of other punishment such as not playing games for a week or a month.

When children are consistently punished for different mistakes, they cannot build up a good value system because they cannot distinguish which is important and what is not.

9. Do not use negative, sarcastic or offensive language

When a child makes a mistake, using sarcastic and negative words to scold will affect his or her emotions. However, many parents do not realize this. Psychologists recommend using only neutral words or suggesting another action to correct your child's mistakes.

Sensitive children may be exposed to self-esteem and memory when parents use bad words to them. This is more serious for girls. So, be especially careful when punishing children in this situation.

For positive penalties, you can refer to other articles on aFamilyToday Health, such as  Positive punishment and what you should know ,  7 questions to help you know how to punish smart children ,  12 excuses Punishment I don't blow ...

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