Childhood anxiety syndrome: Mother understands, baby is happy, family is happy

Every morning, the baby is sad when he goes to school; Even when she came to the school gate, she had short tears and long tears. When this shows up, the child is more likely to have an anxiety syndrome because of the distance. 

Distance anxiety syndrome is a symptom that young children do not want to be separated from their closest caregiver, usually their mother. In fact, this is very normal and it also reflects the close relationship between you and your baby.

During the first six months, infants do not recognize anyone. Therefore, it's okay if you send your baby to someone else. However, after 6 months, the baby has learned to recognize faces. At this point, the relationship between the baby and his parent or caregiver becomes stronger. In addition, the child also understands that even if he cannot see the object, it still exists. That is when the bond between mother and child deepens.

The distress syndrome shows that babies are beginning to feel a sense of security and to understand that things exist even when they are out of sight. So if you see your baby crying and sad when you are not around, don't worry too much, rest assured that you are doing a good role as a mother.

Do all children have this syndrome?

Anxiety over distance is a sign that a child is developing independence and a sense of security. Usually, all babies have this symptom but it manifests itself in varying degrees.

Most babies will show signs of distress syndrome in certain situations, such as when you use the toilet, when you put your baby to bed and leave the room ... will suffer from this syndrome?

When did distance anxiety syndrome happen?

Your baby's first time feeling anxiety about distance is around 8 months. When the baby understands that the parent still exists even when not seeing. This will peak at a period of 13-15 months and last for about 2 - 5 months.

Distance anxiety syndrome usually occurs when the primary caregiver, usually the mother, goes out. Your baby knows that you are gone but does not know when you will return because he has not yet understood the concept of time.

This worry persists until the baby begins to understand that it is not that the parents are away forever, but simply that the parent goes to work or goes out to do something and will come back soon. Symptoms of this syndrome are many and often manifest through different behaviors.

Manifestations of distress syndrome

You can identify this syndrome through the following signs:

Babies cry when alone with others. This is the most basic sign of this syndrome. Children may even cry when they are alone with their father because their father is often not the main caregiver.

Babies often wake up many times and cry at night. In addition, your baby may also have nightmares about separating from you. All you need to do is comfort your baby to give him a sense of security.

Babies often wake up early and cannot go back to sleep unless you are still with them.

Your baby will cling to you when you take him to new places or meet strangers.

Some babies will start to become irritable and have difficulty staying calm.

Babies do not like to play with toys, but instead wants you to have to play with them. Although this may take time, you should still play with your baby for a while before going to work. This is a great way to say goodbye to your baby.

Stages of this syndrome

Distance anxiety often occurs at different stages of a baby's development. At each stage, there will be different directions:

1. Infants

About 8 months, children begin to feel anxiety because of distance. This can last from a few weeks to a few months until your baby understands that you won't leave him forever.

How to help your baby overcome?

Send babies to babysitters early: Start sending babies to babysitters at 6 months. This will help your baby get used to strangers and your absence.

Let the action be in agreement with words: When you leave your baby and walk towards the door, he or she will sense that you are leaving him alone. Be confident, smile, and say goodbye happily. Your baby can only be confident when you have confidence that he will be fine with the babysitter.

2. Toddlers

Distance anxiety increases between 1 and 2 years of age and some babies will overcome it before they reach school age. About two years old, the baby has a strong relationship with his parents. Your baby understands that you will return but still wants you to stay with him. Besides, the baby also knows that every time you cry, you will have a reaction like holding, patting ... Therefore, your baby will do whatever it takes for you to stay.

How to help your baby overcome?

Give your baby a task, such as having him close the door after you leave or having him draw a picture. Give your baby a few simple tasks to distract him.

Let your baby know when you are going home eg before you leave, you will tell him you will be back at dinner time ...

3. Preschoolers

Every morning, in kindergarten, there is always a familiar image: Some children keep tearing up, cling to their parents but refuse to go to class.

Environmental changes such as a new school, a new home or the arrival of relatives can also make children feel anxious about distance. This usually lasts for a few weeks until the baby understands that their parents will pick me up at school, the new home is as safe as the old one and I can still have fun with these relatives.

How to help your baby overcome?

Adjust your child's emotions: Tell your child: “Parents know that they are scared and worried, but this is just because they are not used to it. Once you get used to it, you will definitely experience some very happy moments ”. Try to convince your child that they can deal with their fears and worries.

Spend more time with your children: Try to spend more time with your children so they know that they still have their parents' attention and feel safe. If your baby is going to have a baby, pay more attention to them so they won't feel forgotten.

Make a schedule: If your child's activities are repeated every day, your child will develop a habit. This will be very helpful when the child enters the stage of separation anxiety because he knows what will happen next and when he or she will be able to see his parents.

Do not get angry with children: Sometimes children become irritable and force you to follow their requests as much as possible, such as having to sleep with them every night ... you should still stay calm and deal with love.

Anxiety because of distance in babies at night

This will cause both you and your baby to lose sleep. Your baby will wake up several times during the night and cry until she sees you. Here are a few ways you can cope:

Talk to your baby

When you put your baby to bed, don't leave immediately, stay to talk and sing to your baby. Then leave the room for a few seconds and come back. Gradually, increase the time it takes to leave the room longer until your baby gets used to not having friends around.

Practice some habits before going to bed

To help your baby sleep better , before going to bed, you can massage, lullaby or cuddle your baby to no longer feel anxious because of distance.

Comforting your baby

Stay close after your baby is asleep. When you wake up without seeing you, your baby will feel scared. Therefore, make sure that you will run to comfort your baby now.

Don't sneak out of the room

This is an action that can lead to bad things in the future. If you disappear suddenly, your baby will feel insecure and distrust you. So instead of sneaking away, let's say good night and leave the room.

Go back to the baby's room

If your baby cries, go back to the room and watch, but only for a short while. And make sure your baby will fall asleep without you.

Keep calm

Every time you hear your baby cry, you feel sorry. However, don't let this show on your face. Be confident and happy to let your baby know that everything is good and that there is no reason to be unhappy. Your baby will feel your emotions and relax automatically.

Play peek-a-boo

Peek-a-boo will help your baby understand that even if you disappear, you will come back.

How to separate your baby easily?

Distance is never easy. Saying goodbye to your baby is probably one of the hardest things for mothers. Here are a few things you can try:

Creating a habit

Maintain the habit of saying goodbye. This habit can help your baby trust that you will come back and that he will get over it easily.

Practice regularly

Introduce your baby to the feeling of separation before preschool by leaving your baby with your caregivers or grandparents for a while and stay away. This will help your baby feel more ready to go to school. Practicing early will create a habit for your baby.

Give your baby time to get used to

Let your baby get used to the babysitter or a new environment. Give your baby some time to adapt and, if possible, when going to school let him bring some toys or a blanket so that he or she feels familiar like at home.

Talk to your baby

When taking your baby to school, talk to your baby. Help your children understand that they have to go to daycare or stay at home until their parents return. You can say to your baby: “I will pick you up right after work, from now until then, you should play with the teacher and friends. I will call you at noon ”.

Do not coax when your baby cries

Every time your baby cries, don't soothe him. Comforting the baby to hold it off only increases the anxiety. Instead, let your baby cry and express his feelings. Give your baby time to adjust to the feeling of separation. Your baby will stop crying if you don't interfere.

Always say goodbye

Never leave without saying goodbye. If you leave, the baby will be sad. Maintain it as a daily routine. Don't go back after you said goodbye; That will only make things worse.

Choose the right time to leave

The distance becomes more difficult than ever when the baby is tired or hungry. So, leave only when your baby feels happy and healthy. Do not leave while your baby is sleeping, as it may wake up and start crying. You will break your baby's trust if you do this. Ask a loved one to distract your baby by giving him a toy or treat he likes. This will help your baby turn his attention to the loved one.

Don't cry in front of your baby

Try to hold back your emotions and don't cry in front of your baby. Crying will make your baby understand that you also feel uncomfortable being away from him. So, have fun and say goodbye to your baby.

Play with your baby when coming home from work

After work, pick up your baby and take some time to play with him before you do other things. This will help your baby understand that even though a separation may be uncomfortable, meeting again will make him happy.

Keep promise

If you make a promise to your baby before you leave, when you go home keep your promise. Your baby will trust you if you do. It will also help your baby become more independent and confident when you are not around.

What is dissociated anxiety disorder?

Childhood distress anxiety syndrome usually lasts about 2 years. However, if this period is longer, it is likely that it has turned into dissociative anxiety disorder (SAD).

Dissociative anxiety disorder is characterized by inappropriate developmental aspects, excessive anxiety when being separated from the home or a loved one. In addition, children are afraid of going to school, afraid of being alone or going to bed without familiar objects attached. Sudden detachment can lead to disturbances in consciousness, memory or environmental perception. In this case, the baby needs to see a doctor.

The distance often gives you and your baby a lot of discomfort, but this is unavoidable. However, if you find your baby upset or isolated, find out why. Maybe your baby is bullied by you, not being treated well by the babysitter ... Make sure your baby's worries are due to separation from you and not for some other reason.